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Apr. 29th, 2005 11:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meanfreepathI'm not sure what to make of the B Minor Mass concert tonight. It was far from being a flawless performance. The opening of the first "Osanna" flopped because of too many missed entrances, and there was one point where John had to stop the orchestra and restart it. My own contributions weren't perfect either - a few missed entrances, more than a bit too much consonant in one or two places, intonation, miscounting, etc. On the other hand, the concert was quite well received by the audience and I think that perhaps we managed to get the spirit of Bach across.
But this brings us to a larger question. What is it to try to be perfect in life?
I've performed music many times in my life, and I don't think I've ever given a completely perfect performance, either on the piano or in a chorus. It's true about the other things I do, too: I don't think I've ever given a seminar presentation where I didn't miswrite something on the board or stumble over some words. When I ran in high school I never ran a perfect race.
But can perfection be forced? I never had her, but there was one particular excellent piano teacher in my area that I had heard of. She was famous for the following: if you made 3 or more mistakes during your lesson, you were guaranteed to leave in tears (I think this was especially true for the young children she taught). I never had anyone be that hard on me, in any aspect of my life; I've always tended to be my own harshest critic. But probably I would have been a much better pianist had I had someone as insistent on technical accuracy as she would have been. The same goes for everything in life -- would we be better physicists if our professors never gave partial credit? Or would we have a better chorus if John Alston was not the laid-back, unafraid-to-crack-jokes director he is, but was rather the type of director who yells and screams at every rehearsal, a musical Bobby Knight? Would we have fewer missed entrances and imprecise cutoffs, and fewer wrong notes in general?
Am I becoming decadent? I often wonder how much better of a person I would have become had I been physically qualified and chosen to attend a school like West Point or Annapolis. I am most vehemently not a violent person, but it is the insistence on excellence and perfection in every aspect of life - academic, athletic, and military - at a military academy that makes me think of the undisciplined slob I sometimes am. When was the last time I woke up early? When have I ever ironed my shirts, made my bed, or kept my room free of dust? When have I ever been completely or even close to well organized and completely on top of things academically? When have I ever been perfectly punctual? Is, in general, one better off for living in fear of authority? Were my parents never strict enough with me? Am I ever sufficiently firm, disciplined, and strict with myself, to be a worthwhile person? Take, for instance, my difficulties in rising promptly when my alarm clock goes off in the morning (with the one exception being when I'm woken up by the honker going off for a fire call).
Then, I suppose, there are things like the recent train derailment in Japan, where the driver presumably was speeding to make up time after he fell behind schedule by a minute.
Then again, writing long angsty posts on LJ is not a productive use of time.
But this brings us to a larger question. What is it to try to be perfect in life?
I've performed music many times in my life, and I don't think I've ever given a completely perfect performance, either on the piano or in a chorus. It's true about the other things I do, too: I don't think I've ever given a seminar presentation where I didn't miswrite something on the board or stumble over some words. When I ran in high school I never ran a perfect race.
But can perfection be forced? I never had her, but there was one particular excellent piano teacher in my area that I had heard of. She was famous for the following: if you made 3 or more mistakes during your lesson, you were guaranteed to leave in tears (I think this was especially true for the young children she taught). I never had anyone be that hard on me, in any aspect of my life; I've always tended to be my own harshest critic. But probably I would have been a much better pianist had I had someone as insistent on technical accuracy as she would have been. The same goes for everything in life -- would we be better physicists if our professors never gave partial credit? Or would we have a better chorus if John Alston was not the laid-back, unafraid-to-crack-jokes director he is, but was rather the type of director who yells and screams at every rehearsal, a musical Bobby Knight? Would we have fewer missed entrances and imprecise cutoffs, and fewer wrong notes in general?
Am I becoming decadent? I often wonder how much better of a person I would have become had I been physically qualified and chosen to attend a school like West Point or Annapolis. I am most vehemently not a violent person, but it is the insistence on excellence and perfection in every aspect of life - academic, athletic, and military - at a military academy that makes me think of the undisciplined slob I sometimes am. When was the last time I woke up early? When have I ever ironed my shirts, made my bed, or kept my room free of dust? When have I ever been completely or even close to well organized and completely on top of things academically? When have I ever been perfectly punctual? Is, in general, one better off for living in fear of authority? Were my parents never strict enough with me? Am I ever sufficiently firm, disciplined, and strict with myself, to be a worthwhile person? Take, for instance, my difficulties in rising promptly when my alarm clock goes off in the morning (with the one exception being when I'm woken up by the honker going off for a fire call).
Then, I suppose, there are things like the recent train derailment in Japan, where the driver presumably was speeding to make up time after he fell behind schedule by a minute.
Then again, writing long angsty posts on LJ is not a productive use of time.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-30 03:52 am (UTC)No. We wouldn't be physicists. Physicists are known for being pretty thick-skinned about their grades (or, studies show, physics majors who aren't particularly thick-skinned drop out), but it would be too much. Or our grades would be sufficiently curved that it would basically be the same as it is now.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-30 04:32 am (UTC)I can be a perfectionist myself in some ways, and I sometimes lose track of the fact that you need to enjoy yourself, too. Sometimes it's worth it to slack off on work and, say, hang out with friends. Not all the time--striving to be the best that you can is certainly a worthwhile pursuit--but don't forget that life isn't about being perfect even if it makes you miserable. Discipline by itself doesn't make you a worthwhile person. It's an admirable trait, surely, but it's not everything. No one is going to think less of you because you have trouble getting up with your alarm.
Hope this helps. And ::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2005-04-30 05:01 am (UTC)Frustrating and disappointing.
*ahem* Swesey?
Bottom line-- if I could somehow be perfect in every way but lost the ability to laugh at how ridiculous I really am, forget it-- that wouldn't be worth it at all.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 10:53 am (UTC)However, you should listen to this-- My mom always said that you judge your insides against to everybody else's outsides and so you should stop being so critical of yourself. Thing is you don't really seem to compare yourself to others and that means you don't see the very very human tendency toward imperfection.
I don't know if I will ever do anything really good in my life. I know I need to grow in discipline and become more punctual to do that. I'm not sure how to become punctual. Any suggestions?